a time to mourn and a time to dance

There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens

The most interesting and unusual passage in all of the Old Testament (original testament) was in the book of Ecclesiastes when King Solomon proclaims, It is better to go the house of mourning than the house of feasting.  Ecc 7:2.  

   Funeral etiquette was explained to me by a grief counselor in the great state of York that is New.  People want your sympathy and compassion but they also want to celebrate someone's life that has just passed.  They want to talk about that person so asking questions like what was their favorite type of music and did they like sports are not bad questions.  It allows the grievers to open up about who their loved one was as a person.  I thought that was sage advice and I did apply it when I had the unfortunate honor of attending a funeral for my thirty something co worker who I very much respected but didn't know very well.  His parents really opened up about who he was and I wished that I had been able to know him better.  It's not that I didn't interact with him but he was quiet and sometimes you just don't have the right ice breaker.  

   Who in their right mind would want to be in a house of mourning?  Doesn't everyone love to feast and to party?  If you read the whole chapter I think the teacher is making a point that life is short and bittersweet but I will go in another direction.  At the house of feasting (party), there is no wisdom to be sought or gained, no desire for improvement and no will for discernment. There is only revelry and the dissipation of one's anxiety.  In the house of mourning people are hurting and willing to listen.  Everyone is suddenly anxious to know God's will and to understand His ways.  There is knowledge and wisdom to be sought and gained, eager minds hungry for spiritual food.  That is why the house of mourning is important.

  There are two types of funerals in my mind.  Those that celebrate someone's life and those that commiserate someone's death.  It's never a happy event when someone passes, even 96yr old grandma.  You have to consider though when someone passes be they early or advanced seniors if they are survived by children and grandchildren and have lived a relatively long and eventful life, it's a comfort in some ways (to me at least).  I'm practical, I've seen a 40 year old woman die of cancer who had two small children and I see that as one of the worst tragedies imaginable.  This is the second type of funeral the commiseration.  

  How do we deal with those who are cut down short in life, at an early age, expecting decades more of life?  What are the platitudes that will help us sleep at night?  I have none to offer.  The question, poignant as it is, WHY?  It's not unfair to ask why did this happen, why did God cause/allow this to happen.  I do not believe it's a sin to ask if it's asked with the expectation of wanting and accepting an answer.  Job asked and received an answer and so can you.

  Can I give you the answer?  No because then it wouldn't be an answer.  What I can do and this is after only four decades of following God is give you the three possible pathways.  

1) Some will grow angry and say why has God done this and allowed this to happen.  If there truly was a God he wouldn't have done this, He would make things better.  Therefore they will shun God and all of the religious and believe in nothing.  They will eventually become hostile to all the faithful and religion in general and become bitter.

2) Some will wonder why things happen and not understand.  If there is a God he doesn't take care of us or maybe he's just abandoned us.  It doesn't matter anymore.  They will just fall away and focus on their own lives. This is the path of doubt.  

3) Few will say God is in control and he created us the way we are.  He set a path before us which we are free to follow or deviate or go in a completely different way.  He is patient and compassionate and constantly tries to give us the leeway and love we need to choose good over evil.  I may not understand, I may doubt at times, I may be frustrated but I will pray always and accept His correction.  

I am like a bush yearning to grow wild and free but God is the gardener who snips me daily so I serve a purpose.  I may not like it, snip snip snip but eventually I will become useful and beautiful.

Seek and ye shall find.